Sunday, 5 March 2017

What they don't tell you about your first year at University


  1. The most common phrase in your vocabulary will be "first year doesn't count anyway".

  2. The most common words will be "shots?" and "pizza?". The question mark isn't really needed because you know the answer will always be yes.

  3. You probably came from the top of a small class. Now you're bottom of a really, really big class.

  4. You will argue with somebody about politics, and you will wonder to yourself how somebody so incomprehensibly stupid has got into University.

  5. "I won't go overdrawn!" Yes, you will.

  6. Snakes don't hiss, they tell you they haven't done the reading and then turn up to the seminar with 4 pages of colour-coded notes.

  7. There will be "essential reading" and "recommended reading". You will do neither.

  8. You'll hit a wall at around week 7 which renders you incapable of getting out of bed, going to lectures or handing in work.

  9. You will have to take a few weeks to adjust to British slang you've never heard before.
    Chirpse = graft, lid = haircut, rig = abs (blame the Home Counties)

  10. You will wear sportswear everywhere. Bit of a shame you don't have a gym membership really.

  11. VKs are amazing until you think about the sugar and chemical content the next day.

  12. If you study a language, everyone else on your course will be near fluent and you'll feel completely inadequate compared to them.

  13. Your lecturer will complain about how nobody ever turns up to the 9am class on a Monday morning. You will wonder how they achieved a PhD.

  14. You'll lose everything. Vodka left at pres, clothes, pens, your will to live...

  15. You'll encounter someone who has been on a "gap yah" and just really, really needs to tell you every detail about it.

  16. You will join a society in freshers which you will not participate in for the remainder of the year.

  17. You'll take your card out for "emergencies" knowing full well that means shots and chicken nuggets.

  18. All those friends who promised to come down and visit during term? Not going to happen.

  19. You will get homesick. Yes, even you.

  20. You'll get off with a fit rugby lad in the first couple of weeks and then awkwardly bump into them every. single. Wednesday. at the sports socials.

  21. You'll spend at least five minutes lying in bed every morning asking yourself whether education is really worth it

  22. Your mum will always call you at pres and you'll have to act sober.

  23. You'll break all promises you made to yourself about cooking balanced, healthy meals within the first week and for the rest of the term you'll live off pasta and overpriced Domino's.

  24. When you get ill you never really recover, you just learn to accept this new, lower standard of health.

  25. You'll plan out everything you have to do, then take a nap because you deserve it, right?!

  26. You'll regret doing so well in your GCSEs because now that standard is expected of you for the rest of your academic career.

  27. You'll get ambushed by every sports society on campus in your first week. Be prepared.

  28. You'll fall in love with somebody on a night out and forget to ask for any contact details. This, however, is probably a good thing.

  29. You'll spend half an hour on a polite, grammatically correct email to your tutor for them to reply "sure -Sent from my iPhone"

  30. Referencing. Need I say more?


As awful as all of that sounds, you do always have to remember that we're all in the same boat.
It's just... that boat is sinking. Rapidly. And we have no life boats.

Just a couple of photos you may enjoy of my University experience thus far:











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